I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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