can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
