i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i came on her dog
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
