my mouth tastes like poor choices
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
