Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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