my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to cum in my sink.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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