I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
