Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
