Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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