Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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