I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
