We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
