I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
