I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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