I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
