hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
