Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
