i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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