I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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