How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
