I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
