She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
