I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
