shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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