I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
