my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
