My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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