Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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