Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
