Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
