I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
