I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
