How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
