I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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