he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
