I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
