i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Terrible idea I love it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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