U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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