super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
