It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
