You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
