First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
