Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
