i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
