This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
