he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
