We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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