He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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