Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
