Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
