3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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