Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
