Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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