so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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