Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
