there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
