it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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