What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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