her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
