Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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