Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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