I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
