i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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