I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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