WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
