bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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