i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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