While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
