So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
