My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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