There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she told me i tasted like america
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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