dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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