he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're too hungover to prance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
