Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
