Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
