mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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