no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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