At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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