The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize