K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
